On more occasions than one I have attempted to recluse myself in this customised space of mine to scribble my thoughts on this certain title. Lying by my side are;like lifeless corpse enveloped in dust these blank sheets of paper. The evenly spread dust will vouch for how rarely I visit this space. My last few visits here (relying on the loyalty of my memory) have all left the same blank sheets on the table. I could only draw a blank each time I sat down to pen. The reasons why i am allured to this place are driven and indispensable. But if there is one presence common in all those visits, it is the spontaneity of innocense. I could never write about things I did not experience in person..or did not hear about from people in form of thier stories. (That perhaps explains my fondness for seeking stories in people) Ofcourse this idea is easy to be rediculed for you do not need to attempt a murder or be an eye witness to it to write crime fiction. but that is how it has been for me.
one writer that i follow ardently writes "we dont get to choose if we are hurt in this world, but we do have a say in who hurts us". It is something about pain that stays. May be its that prick..that sting...the relentlessly ever killing sting. And we, we on our part dont help it either. We only prolong it. Sometimes we are so much into it, we start feeling like we aint suffering but treauring it. But people, pain is no treasure. God knows no body has ever availed any good by accumulating it. And there is nothing heroic about suffering. Some people think it is beautiful to suffer and absorb all the pain that is inflicted upon us undeservingly. They think it is classy or that it makes their story worthwhile. But lets face it. It does not. It never did. And it never will.
So what is moving on actually like...? Trust me, my blog is no guide for it. Its not a counselling cetre for the wounded ones. I wish to reflect my version of it. I think moving on is an aftermath. and unlike most people (atleast most of who I have known) think..it is not a decision of the helpless one. its not the accepatance of the battle lost.
I have known people who have resisted moving on until a part of them died in them completely; a part of them which they so adored for its resilience and resistance and how they believed that it was the one that had kept holding them together and intact during the reign of solitude. I have known people who optimistically vouched that moving on is like quitting on what was entirely yours. I know people who believe moving on is like not being loyal anymore.
Yes, I do not wish to take you in a parallel universe with an atmosphere of perfection and cakewalks as metaphor of life. Lets get this clear. Adversity is inevitable. there comes a time in life..and this one comes in the life of each one of us; none spared and no exceptions, when we feel we are doomed. This seems to be the epilogue of the life. It looks like relatable to the last chapter of the novel penned by our own being or the full stop that reminds us of the end of the sentence epitomising our own being. There are only empty pages to follow. Or may be; just may be., that is just a part (and never the whole) of what we think about it.
My favourite cliche one liner of all those that made the world go crazy for SRK was "like all the movies..even our life settles at the twilight. and if doesnt then its not the really the end my dear friend". such is the thing with life.
Whats the way out?
Look for signs. They are always around us only screaming for our attention and acknowledgement like the almond-like eyes of a certain one I remember from schooldays. Remeber there will always be a sun no matter how long the night was. And light, my friend, was always more guiding than darkness will ever be. Perhaps that is why there is always a sun in the sky as long as it is day but you may not have a moon always in the night. Infact we seek moon and stars for the mere reason that they emit light when there is darkness in our part of the world.
I always wanted these people to know how moving on is more about you than about the other people or the memories. And I always wanted them to acknowledge that moving on isn't like accepting that you lost it. Because sometimes it is really ok to cry and feel hurt and remorse and curse the world for the undeserving ordeal that you have been subjected to. But then as they say, you can not have rainbows without the rain.
Moving on is when when you choose your smile over the ignorance that you had been living with. Its more like ditching solitude and accompanying the alone you. The strongest one liner i ever read as a piece of sage advice was "let go of what has served its purpose" One monk like hero of mine said this to me. Set everything that isnt worth you free.
Go for endless walks with your own company. if you dont think the world isnt quite as awesome as you are, trust me no one else in the world is going to believe that either. Brew your own coffee when you feel sleepy. Visit book stores. Read classics. Read stories that were written long before we knew about the age of time. Go for movies all by yourself. Gulp down a drink when you want to feel tipsy and sink in the fondness of all that you have been. Sing until the lungs get sour and dance like piyakkad baaraatees. This world my friend has so much beauty to absorb that lettting go of what was shit isnt anything but a favour. So much around you screams to treasure you and celebrate life with you. There will always be a beginning waiting for you to nod YES. There will always be doors for you to push open and take you to roads your eyes could never travel. There will always be so much of light to suck up all the darkness you had been soaking in. ALWAYS.
Take a walk with life, with your eyes open to see what you deprived them of all this while. No angel is going to come seeking you to fetch you out of it. We are our own healer. Only we can allow ourself to be healed in just the manner that only we can allow ourself to be hurt.
So when the page ends, please turn over. Seek what is next. when the full stop is marked, write ahead whatever your heart lets out. And when you are broken, and hurt and doomed.,let go of the wounds. let time take care of the healings. dont get stuck up. move on.
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