even though I am not yours you still remain my only alter ego but then sometimes...and these days this sometimes has turned into more often than not...I have started wondering what that actually means...to confer someone with that title and not long after...snatch your words back like you never offered them.
dear...it's not about you...the other day when I told you about not getting along well with people...you could see how much I was at loss with words...and it had so much to do with their infidelity with words...and fickleness with time. but then people are mortal ain't they...they are supposed to be perishable ...words????
I had believed even before you enlightened me about how words are the most treasured asset one can offer another...and it's almost a debate in my mind that what it is in the right sequence...words define ur time or they define who u r? sometimes I feel that it's a fusion of both...subject to changes at all times depending on so many things and sometimes not depending on anything at all. do even words come with an expiry date?????
mortality of my own being doesn't scare me quite like the mortality of words does. people sometimes choose them so loosely they don't even realise what they have done to the other. and I can tell you...to realise that they were mere fency cliché offered to you in a beautiful face of delusion is a mighty cruel truth to swallow. it breaks you like few other catastrophe do.
It's pretty evident that my letter is in lieu of the fact that I am hurt...but that's not because I feel wronged when I shouldn't have been but because I find it hard to vomit out words that people once offered me to swallow saying they will mean it forever. I have learned how forevers built on the palace of virtual world are the quickest one's to scatter. and they need no reason. what is It that virtual needs not to be real....nothing...!! mohit told me this the other day.
I have defined people more by the words they chose in the difficult times of their lives and they are the only ones I had relied upon. the only spectacle I saw people through was how sane can they be when freaking out is easy and generous can they be when being obnoxiously rude is the easiest road to walk...but now....there is this third more admissible spectacle got added up....on how rude and apathetic you can be when being humble and sane isn't hard to be. and almost everyone....let's me down. fewer stood by it.
there are people who tell me to call bitch a bitch because nice guys in this world just end up nowhere...they say...but I forgive them...perhaps they never got my eyes to see what I did....
Is it wrong to stand by who you have always been. is it foul to protect ur very identity. or is it as they call...being practical to put on a rude I DON'T GIVE A FUCKKKKK face on your skin and just don't care at all when inside...the moment you are alone...only you know what you go through. being practical is just overrated I have learned. and moving on is a concept almost everyone except the newborn preaches about when they least know a thing about it. I think there is this shell that everyone of us builds for ourself in which only we see the raw skin clowned over our skin...and it's the one we hide ourself in the moment we are vulnerable....in a way only we know and one that we never admit before the world...going long way to conceal it...
there is always a pillow under which we cry on the nights we don't forgive ourselves. or the world. but we don't look to who we have been. we all die by the soul we live by dear. this is what I will live by. this is what you will live by. and the words...well they are just ....words.
you understand right???
